From Red to Light

Surrendered to the tide

October 15th, 2025

The first photo was taken at 1:15pm and the second one at 1:33pm.
Life can change in 18 minutes. 
Much less actually, but today it was 18 minutes.

---

I was so angry today.
Beyond irritable.
Bored.
Just not having a good time no matter how hard I tried.
The harder I tried the more red I saw.

Thinking straight has become an impossible feat.

Confused.
Sad.
Angry.
Overwhelmed.
Overstimulated.
Exhausted.
Numb.
Dark.

Lonely and never alone.

A Mess that I have zero energy or desire to clean up.

Staring at the chaos smeared all over my dining room table was a direct reflection of my internal state.
How I’ve felt physically, mentally, emotionally…the last 50 days. *133 days today*

It’s not constant.
But always lingering.
Always right there throwing a wrench into my algorithm.

---

It’s was beautiful outside today.
I laid down a mat in the shade of the tree for our picnic outside for lunch. 
Because the table was a mess and I refused to clean it.
We ate sandwiches and chips and watermelon and pizza.
We waved at people passing by, and found alligators in the clouds.
We laughed, and played, and were
here.

It felt good to stand in the sun.
To dance in the light.
Because the darkness has been an attention seeking shadow...
lurking,
seeping through
every
single
scar.

---

I came up for air,
floating on the surface,
waiting
to be pulled back under.